I could make wine with my vomit
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize