I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
