Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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