if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
