Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
