The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
