i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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