why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
