I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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