My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
