did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
