I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
