If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
