'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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