fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
