My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize