He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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