it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
