But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
