is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
