Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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