I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
