Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
