Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
