well you can't waste a boner
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
