In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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