come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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