There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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