I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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