pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
