I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mom said you looked used
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
