i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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