I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize