Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
