ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
