I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
