She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
