Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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