Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
