we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
