Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
