The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sober January is a disaster.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
