I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
