shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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