i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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