Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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