final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
