im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
