so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
