wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
