You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
