he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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