i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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