I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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