It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
