We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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