he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
