how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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