Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
