We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
