There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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