I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
