I wish I only lived at night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
