I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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