he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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