it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
