she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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