I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
