No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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