I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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