you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
