..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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