You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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