Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
