I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
