So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
