i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
