So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
