Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
where are you?
Hypothermia
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
