At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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