I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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