At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
