i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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