you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
