dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
