help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
