I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this just has baby written all over it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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