Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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