I think I just saw someone hide a body.
false alarm. still invincible.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I could fuck to npr.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
