Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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