I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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