I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
